Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in necro_mania's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, April 27th, 2008
9:46 pm	I'm sure everyone knows by now!  I moved to Oregon about 4 months ago now to live with my boyfriend. We decided that since it would be cheaper for the time being to find a place with roommates. We found this house looking to rent a room and went to check it out, although there are 7 other people besides us here, it was nice, the "landlord" who is also a roommate here had us sign a 6-month lease. Lately I (and I say I because the problems don't seem to be with my boyfriend) have been experiencing some difficulties with my other roommates. It's stressful of course to have people who seemingly dislike you for no reason around all the time, but I eventually learned how to avoid them. I'm not sure how much of the story to provide, even I'm not sure of everything that apparently has been going on. Just a day ago now our "landlord" approached my boyfriend and I and politely gave us the option to break our lease without penalty and move out. When I asked why he just basically said "because of occurances that have not ceased" and "everyone in this household has a complaint against you except one". And then something about "majority rules". He is consistantly unprofessional and rude to me in such a way that I don't understand. My boyfriend and I both signed this lease, yet at times our landlord will pull my boyfriend aside for a "private" discussion about matters even knowing that everything said will get back to me. The morning he asked us to move out one of these "private discussions" included the fact that the whole problem was about me, and that no one had anything against my boyfriend. Also saying such things as he believes I have a mental disorder by having loved my cat too much and been too upset when I had to get rid of him, and that if my boyfriend ever wanted to break up with me he could move back in. I don't see what problems I've caused other than maybe not clashing well with my roommates. I clean up after us, we're relatively quiet people, I don't smoke in the house, I even avoid my roommates to avoid confrontation. I might not sweep, mop, or vacuum, but I do clean up the floor if something we dropped caused a mess. There is no written "chore" list or rotating of such things, it's just a "do it as you see it" basis. It kind of almost seems like people are just making up things to tell to my landlord to get us out of here.  There are two different stray cats that wander around outside at night and if i'm out having a smoke I'll usually take a piece of lunchmeat out to feed them.  Now someone has been saying I've let the cat into the house and it smells like cat pee!  When it doesn't smell like that at all and I have not ever or will not let the strays in!  Basically for the past week everyone has been giving me the cold shoulder.  I know that I should have some idea of why they've all banded against me, but I really don't.  Even my boyfriend is scratching his head trying to figure out why it's all about me and not him.  I mean, I know that at times I don't wear a bra around the house, but I'm sure a lot of girls would agree with me that after work and late at night you just want to be in your PJs and be able to relax around your house! The thing is though, no one EVER approached me about this and now things as small as this have become huge issues that I believe could have been avoided!  Sure I put my silverware on the top rack of the dishwasher, but it's not like we even RUN the dishwasher it's just used as a drying rack.  I don't see why getting upset over little things gives him reason to ask us to leave or threaten to evict us, or why even that it's gotten this bad when I had no clue of what was going on.  All of my roommates are around my age, which makes me think that they're more mature then they are acting.  I don't know...I dont know the whole story so maybe the problem is with me.  Maybe there's something about my personality they don't like...or the way I look.  Or the fact that my boyfriend treats me better and we're more attached than any of the couples in this household.  (It's been expressed a couple of times that a few girls were jealous of that fact.)  It's just that it's been SUCH a hard move, I have no friends or family here except my boyfriend.  I feel out of the loop at my job, even though it was basically a transfer from the company I used to work for.  I haven't really gotten depressed about anything at all until now.  I'm losing sleep from the stress, I can feel it creeping back in.  I want to just be happy but that's impossible in a household of people who have it out for you.  I really just want one friend here that I can trust, I can only cry on my boyfriend SO much you know?  It would be nice to just have a friendship with someone who would let me come escape to their place for a few hours to get out from under all of this and cheer me up a bit. I dont even know what kind of lawful reasons could he have to evict us. Can he even evict us based on "majority rule" and what the other tennants think?  The thing is, I just started working and my boyfriend works 12 hour nights and tries to fly in between, we really just don't have the time or energy to move again so soon. Things were just starting to settle down... My advice to anyone is to never have roommates.  And never talk to anyone who can talk behind your back. Thank's SO much for this thread.  Some people in here might call me a baby for feeling so upset about this, but whatever right?  At least you're not going to come shit-talk like these people do. Sorry for the wall of text!  I'm just soo stressed out! Current Mood: distressed (I've had 2 Bites Bite me)
Thursday, April 10th, 2008
9:24 pm	So, I figured it's been a little while since I updated this and I thought maybe I'd give a bit of insight as to how I've been adjusting to the changes.   I wont say it's been an easy move, but it has been exciting.  Cody and I get along really well despite the little things we each do that get under the other's skin.  I know I know, we were warned.  But it's not as bad as everyone made it out to be.  =/  I'm actually disappointed at how less of a challenge it is. Although we have had our rough patches... I'm ashamed to say usually over sex... :x  But hey... life isn't perfect right?  I've kind of learned to back off when it comes to that subject anyways, at first it was kind of an every day thing, but c'mon...  Life isn't all cotton candy clouds and lollipop fences...  You can't realistically have sex daily and sometimes more.  Even though (at least for me) I could live with it.  :P   And then there was the stress.  The stress that came right after we moved in together.  That kind that I think everyone goes through where at first nothing seems to go right...  And I mean everything that could go wrong did go wrong.  Even to the point where my stuck-up, gay ass asian roommates wouldn't let me have my cat so I had to have Goober sent to the Humane Society.  I cried so hard over that...  Especially after Jeanine got my hopes up saying she would get Richard to let me have my kitty...:(  Stupid bitch... But we're living.   We've also quit playing World of Warcraft.  It just causes too much trouble.  I'm happy that we met there, I'm grateful for the time that we played together that brought us to each other.  I'm really glad I met Cody, and if it wasn't for WoW... I would have never found the love of my life. But in the end, it's just too much pain for me.  That was another point we seemed to have difficulty crossing.  I was trying so hard to get over him cheating on me back in september.  It's still hard to think about, and sometimes I have sick thoughts and feelings... But every time he would want to play WoW I would get SO mad at him, and he didn't even know why!  I kept telling him "Yeah its okay I think I'll be fine this time."  And I wasn't.  It always led to a little argument, never anything  big until the last time.  I broke down crying after we ignored each other for an hour and a half, him playing that damn game while I sobbed my eyes out quietly in our bed.  And finally I just... I came clean I guess.   So no more WoW, it's deleted off the computer for good.  Which makes me happy in a sense that he cares more about our relationship than some silly game anyways.  =)  And every time I start to get horrible thoughts about what happened, I let him know now...and he just holds me until it goes away.  Telling me he loves me, and reassuring me as much as I need it.   It's a hard thing to get over, but I haven't really had any issues about it since we quit playing WoW. There was one other thing that was slightly causing us problems in the beginning, but I don't think Cody would appreciate it if I divulged one of his biggest secret fantasies, even to my trusty journal.  :P  And I would be embarrassed to admit that I was in on it too.   But that is fixed, and although it took some time, we've agreed that maybe it's not the best idea in the world.   But OMG!  Before I was with Cody I was such a withdrawn little girl.  I mean...yes, my friends knew I was wild.  You all knew what a crazy little bitch I was. :P  But really it was all in the closet until I moved here.  Now Cody gets me to do things that I never thought I would do. D:  Like... House Party anyone?  I swear I've never drank so much that I've gotten the spins.  That night I drank enough for both of us to the point where I was singing Kareokee and fell over on the floor.  XD;;   Or...How about Porn Theatre?  >w<  The owner guy really likes us there.  Or maybe it's just because he doesn't get many couples in there.  But he always lets us in for free.  And all the creepy guys get a good show.  We almost had sex once, but poor Cody... ^^;;  once he realized he was being watched by a bunch of guys jerking off kind of lost his erection.  (Thats okay lol I faked an orgasm while he was going down on me just to get out of there.)  XD Oh and then there was the time we went to the Hourly motel to celebrate my getting a job at TJ Max... ^^;  lmao...  Ceiling mirror anyone? And we totally just had to get a new Refridgerator.  Richard had to buy it of course since he's the landlord, but still it took him like a week and most of our refridgerator food went bad, we saved the frozen stuff though.  >.< We usually go to bed together, but the only reason I'm really updating this journal is because tonight was the first night of his job.  :(  He works from 6 at night to 6 in the morning and it's only quarter to 10 now.  What am I going to do?  It's so hard to sleep without him and I miss him sooo much right now.  I'm glad I don't have to work until Saturday so I can stay up and wait for him, but Friday night i'll have to go to sleep because I have to get up and go to work.   :(  I'm sad that I'll have to ride my bike to and from work from now on too...unless I have to work on his day off.  I know it will be good for me, good exorcise, but it will be such a long ride.  I'm stubborn about taking the fucking bus though.  Scary people ride the bus. :(  Except when I said that to Eric (a gay guy that I work with) he got all offended because he rides the bus.  ^^;  He wanted to take me out to get my nails done but I said I didnt have a car and is comeback was to take the bus.  XD  But I dun like the bus!  He and Brett are really the only two people at work who seem to like talking to me.  I love Eric though!  Like the first day he met me he took me under his wing.  D:  I don't want to become a fag hag again though!! LOL  But he's so nice and he's like "omg Beth!  I love you, and don't worry Carrie will love you too, and I'll make everyone love you because you're so sweet!"  And he'll come give me a hug goodbye before he goes home.  It's nice to have some friends though, I think maybe he's realized how lonely it is here without my family and best friends and he's just trying to help.  ^^ I miss AJ Wright though... The people here are nothing like them.   =(  I miss Tracy a lot, definately the most out of everyone.  No one likes to joke around at all here, and I am so way out of the loop and I cant even find a crack to worm my way in.  T_T  I miss James too, but one of my new managers is SO much like him it's not that bad.  Except...well James wasn't openly gay even though we all knew he was, and Mr. Coy is like... the biggest fucking homosexual I've ever met. *sigh*  I think I'll go smoke a cigarrette now, I wish it wasn't so late in Michigan so I could call someone and feel like I wasn't so out of tune with the rest of the world. Current Mood: content (Bite me)
Saturday, December 29th, 2007
4:31 am	What Do You Have To Say? - My Favorite Games What kind of games do you play? Brought to you by HP View other answers  I love RPG games and Survival Horror games :) I am also a big fan of the Sims!! (Bite me)
Friday, December 28th, 2007
4:00 am	I suppose my life has been going uphill lately. I know that Cody and I had a few problems but that's all sorted out now and the week that I spent with him cannot be described as anything other than amazing. Amazing in every sense of the word. Of course saying goodbye to him was as hard as it always was, but I don't feel quite so sad knowing that I'll be going to see him for his birthday next month. I also don't know if I'll be comming back. I kind of hope that I don't. First of all, I hate it here.  I hate this state, I hate almost all of the people here, I can't stand the economy or the weather.. Second of all... I don't think I can handle saying goodbye to Cody one more time not knowing when I'll see him again. I don't want to wait.  I don't really care who it pisses off.  I know he wants me to stay, and that's all that matters to me. When I go there we're going to go job hunting and look for apartments. If I can get a job within the 8 days I'm there I'm not comming home. And I know that I can do it. I would really miss a lot of people here though...And the only person I would truly have is Cody because I have no family or friends out that way.  And I'm sure his dad hates me and I'm pretty damn sure that now his mom doesn't like me much either... :( It's probably foolish to leave on a hope and a prayer, but all you need is love right?  I don't have that here, and I am so tired of not feeling at home.  I'm sick of wishing I had somewhere to go and realizing that I don't really want to go anywhere and at the same time I am stuck in the place I don't really want to be in.  Around all these people I don't want to see every day of my life.   I'm really sorry I haven't been answering my phone for anyone.  It's just that I'm so lonely...and being alone feels so much better than being around people that aren't the one person I'd give anything in the world to see. One week just wasn't enough. And I know that at the beginning of my stay, 8 days will seem like a lot, yet at the end it won't be anything. I know I'm so secluded.  I'm not a very good friend for that, but this is the only way I can think of to deal with this crap. I hate feeling like I don't really care about anyone anymore, I wonder if anyone else has felt like this when they were in love.  :( Current Mood: lonely (Bite me)
Tuesday, November 20th, 2007
10:00 pm	So I just saw the best thing ever... lol William Shatner doing a WoW commercial! "I'm william Shatner...and i'm a shaman..." LOL!! (Bite me)
Monday, November 5th, 2007
2:11 pm	Its my birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ^_^  Happy 20th to me! *heartheartheart* x3  Isnt he so cute? I loves my Cody! Why do I look so crappy in pictures?   XD I dont even care....cuz its the best picture I have of Cody and I together <3 Anyways.... What am I going to do for my birthday? .... o.o;; ....................................................................................................................... *goes and crawls back into bed* Nite nite <3 Current Mood: crappy (I've had 2 Bites Bite me)
Friday, October 19th, 2007
3:10 am	Arm phasers and photon torpedos!  Back when I was a dorky little kid... I used to write love-letters to Vegeta and Millardo.  :P I don't know why I felt the need to share that information but I thought it was kind of funny that I found some of those old letters today.  xP  Along with the love notes I used to send to myself. I wonder if Sarah remembers the time I made up the stalker-girl who used to leave letters buried in the dirt alongside my house underneath my window begging for my help.  XD Boy I was such a fucked up little kid... XD I have most of the notes we all passed to each other in middle school too. x3  I was just reading over my litte bag of letters and Ic ame across a folded up journal entry of mine.  It's a weird dream I had of the first time the faceless man appeared to me.   And since has periodically over the years.  I still can't figure out what he signifies, perhaps my repressed sexual frustration?  XD  Anyways I feel like typing it out because it's kind of creepy how I can still remember it, especially the baby bird. Titled : First Time I was camping at Holly and I met this guy who resembled a man that I knew.  (He had the same bleach blond long hair but it wasn't him) I somehow decided and told him straight out that I wanted to have sex with him.  We went to a campsite but there were people there.  Then, I'm not sure how but we got in this place that was deserted and empty. The floor was brown like sand but not soft.  AS we walked in further there's a five foot wide wood wall and square up three sides there is a small platform no bigger than my palm and upon it is a fu lly formed dead all black bird.  We walk to the plain side at the back andd sit down.  I looked into his eyes andimmedieately we are kissing.  I could feel his tongue and lips all over mine. Then he jumps back just before my mother enteres this place.  "hellp" she says and out of nowhere I hold up a bid that is all black except his yellow webbed feet and yellow duck bill.  "Look" I tell her.  She looks and seems amused then says "I just wanted to check on you I'll leave you two alone for a while" Then she leaves. I look back at the man and he puts his arms around my waist and we kiss again but harder.  We kiss and kiss and kiss over and over.  All of a sudden I notice that both of us are naked.  He pulls me forward and soon we ar e a tangle of arms and legs.  We kiss again and as the dream faded he moaned/said my name before I woke up. Yes it makes no sense... XD  Especially the bird, it was very creepy looking.   Now that everyone has a peek into my fucked up childhood... XD I feel exposed and naked.  x3   I'm soooooo sleepy.  I can't decide what I want to do for the rest of the night besides sleep.  :( I have to go to bed early tomorrow night because I have to work an 11-5 shift.  T_T Current Mood: calm (I've had 1 Bite Bite me)
3:09 am	What Do You Have To Say? - Small Business: Advice to Entrepreneurs What advice would you give to people who are starting their own business? Brought to you by HP View other answers Don't give up.  Push through the bad times if you want to be successful. (Bite me)
Thursday, October 18th, 2007
4:51 am	Sheilds up! Red Alert!!  I miss Cody more and more everyday.   Thus has been my life since I went to visit him.  Every day the same pattern of yearning, longing, saddness. Happiness when I get to hear his voice.   I don't know exactly when I will get to see him again between now and next summer and the thought of it being so far away seems to kill a part of me.  I know I can wait though, despite the temptations, despite my reservations, and despite the horrible feelings I sometimes get sitting alone in the dark, wondering.  Trying to compute every possible move, every scenario, every outcome of the situation I find myself in. It's like playing chess except I don't want to treat it like a game.  It's not a game, it's my life.  And I'm constantly worried about where it's going.   I'm so in love, not obsessively so, but I think the distance is starting to affect me already.  It almost would have been better if I had never gone to see him, and then...that could have only made it worse.  At least now I have the knowledge of how deep my feelings truely go.  Because beforehand there was always the doubt taht we might not get along though I didn't want to believe it the doubt was there. But not anymore.  And now that that is gone I have nothing to reassure myself with except that knowing one day I'll get to see him again.  Between now and next summer when I finalize my plans to move there.  I know he at least has to come here once to meet my family, that much was planned.  That much I expect and I know he respects my wishes.  I couldn't abandon my home without them at least meeting the man I'm going to be living with :P Anyways... This is kind of a tribute to Cody I guess...and how much I love him with all of my heart.   And his Package was wonderful.  =)  It arrived on my doorstep today full of little wonderful surprises.  Everything, from the socks to the teddy bear smells just like him.  Even now I have the damn bear sitting in my lap.  ^^;  it's so cute and fuzzy!  *squeezes* All of my relationships up to this point seem like a trivial waste of time. And speaking of past relationships I finally came clean with Ana.  That her husband had an affair with me, which I felt (okay rather everyone else felt) that it was tiem to own up to it because he cheated on her again.  For real this time, not just digitally. And I think that even deep down inside myself I couldn't let her get back together with him knowing what I know and knowing how ignorant she was. Honnestly...I guess I could have belived that he'd never really hurt her since he never really did anything with me, but when I found out that he'd been sleeping around on her for 2 months with ANOTHER 19 year old girl...  I couldn't let her believe that was the only time he'd ever decieved her. She's very angry with me now to say the least but at least she knows the full story, as much as I know.  And she can decide what to do with her life from here on out without being in the dark. I'm kind of happy in a twisted sort of way that this is how things turned out for him. It serves him right anyways for leading me on like that.  Had he just kept his dick in his pants I would have been happy to be the only young girl in the world that he broke the heart of, let him continue the life that was rightfully his with four beautiful children and a loving wife that any man would kill to have. But instead he did it again, and she was going to forgive him!!  Can you believe that?  I dont think I could ever forgive any man who cheated on me.  I never really trusted him in the first place anyways.  But love is blind yes?  She will probably still forgive him, and I'm sure that if not now someday he'll do it to her again.  Women never learn do they?  I've seen it countless times growing up, I can only hope that I never fall victim to something like that. But...Karma is sometimes an evil thing.  And I'm sure I'll get what's comming to me for my part in ruining that family. On another note.  Things seem to be going well in my adjustment to living in my grandparent's basement.  Outcast by my stepfather for going to visit my boyfriend without him comming here first.  Seriously... :P  I'm 19 aren't i?  I believe I'm old enough to decide where I want to go and not need anyone to hold my hand to do it.   But anyways, my transistion has gone well.  I started out sleeping in my aunts bedroom with her which is what I usually do when I spend my nights here, but since it's a more permanant thing I've finally moved my things into the bedroom across the hall from her when Dad finally moved out into his own place with Norma.  I just settled my dresser and TV in there tonight, and while I only get to sleep on a Twin bed, at least I do not have to wait until 3:30 AM for Amy to get up for work in order to have the bed to myself for a little "private time" Although...both self-pleasure and especially phone-sex have been kind of a pain in the ass.  One...because real sex is so much better than anything I can do to myself, and two, because you can hear everything that goes on between my room and Amy's.  Sad...I know.  At home I didn't really care who could hear me but unfortunately I think Amy might mind more than my little brother did when I would have phone sex with my boyfriend.   Sick I know..but the little brat probably enjoyed listening to me.  haha.  ^^;  I have a little decency here too knowing that she needs to get up so early and I doubt my moaning and groaning would be appreciated so late at night.   So...With Cody going to school in the morning now he can't stay up late enough to really do much...which puts a damper on my mood big time.  But we take what we can get, and the few hours I spend each night talking to him more than makes up for lack of physicality and pleasure. The hunt is still on for another job as well.  Though it's not proving very fruitful.  =/  I'm still with AJ Wright but I have to tell you that place sucks more balls than a wagonful of gay men.   Especially with our new manager James.  Whom I still think is extremely fucking gay.  He just isn't ready to admit it yet. Still, I would like to be making more than 7.50 an hr, and if not I'd at least like to have a set schedule of 5 or 6 days a week instead of waiting till every friday to see how baddly they've cut my hours for the next week.  =/ I'm not tired yet and I can't figure out what to do with this excess time I seem to have now that my night-owlness has grown even worse.  There's no one online to talk to, I don't really feel like dancing too much, I just watched V for Vendetta and I can't think of another movie to waste my time on, I've watched all 70 episodes of Star Trek TNG that are hosted on Share TV, I've read and re-read Q/P Fanfics that break my heart, I've even read a few more TNG books that I put down for a while for god knows what reason.   Now that I'm not talking to Cody until the ass-crack of dawn I don't know what to do with my time.  =/  I suppose I should go to bed earlier but then I would get up earlier and it would be the same play that it is now with me, except it would be during the day when I have people around that I dont want to see to aggrevate me to no ends.   I seem to be sort of secluded but I think my grandparents have gotten used to it somewhat over the last month.  The only time they really see me is immediately after work, or for dinner on my days off.  Other times I am hiding in the basement either playing some game or watching a movie, or curled up with a good book, waiting for the phone to ring and watching the time tick down.   I am excited for Saturday as well!  =)  Although I have to work from 11am to 5pm, the Halloween Walk and Greenfield Village is that night and there's like 25 of us going.  ^_^  And yes I have a halloween costume, a lady bug!  ^^  It's so cute. I can't really wait to show it off. But anyways... I'm going to hunt for another movie to watch and cuddle up under my blankets with this bear and Cody's boxers. I lub yew all!! <3 Peace Current Mood: loved (Bite me)
Friday, October 5th, 2007
5:19 am	[Error: close lj-embed tag without open tag] </div> </div> JUST FUCKING KISS HIM! :)</div> Okay the ending of this is funny too... Lol  I love the way this girl does videos.</div> Hell yesssss lol the ending is so fucking funny</div> </div> (Bite me)
5:14 am	What Do You Have To Say? - Travel: Funniest Story Tell us about your funniest memory while on vacation. Brought to you by HP | Vote for the winners! View other answers  I went camping with my family one year a few years ago now.  Mind you I hate camping anyways, and on top of that I am NOT a morning person at all.  So waking up freezing cold at 8 AM wasn't the happiest of times.  On top of that the closest bathroom to us was uphill for a mile walk, and completely disgusting.  Public bathrooms always are, think of all the nasty things you could catch!!  It was safer to just go in the woods. Which is what we did...Instead of the mile uphill walk it was instead just a short little hill behind our campsite, a steep...short...little hill.  Waking up, grouchy as always, I ignored everyone who said good morning to me and went to do my business.  However...comming back down I fell down the little hill in a spectacular flail of limbs and legs over head...We had a great laugh when I stood up and took a bow, realizing my mom had caught it all on camera. Talk about learning your lesson in rudeness.  =) (Bite me)
Friday, September 14th, 2007
12:40 pm	To Trust or Not To Trust?   I met my boyfriend online via the mmorpg World of Warcraft.  (haha lol laugh it up) We met over a year ago now, became really good friends just playing together.  It was kind of like fate how we met on there, its a really cute story but nothing I want to waste your time with.  Had started to "date" at one point and I broke it off because his RL ex had come back and he went back to her, despite me telling him he would get hurt. Anyways...  Once that all blew over, and I was there for him once again... -.-  his life started getting better and we decided to try again, planning to meet and all.  He committed to me and broke off the other girl he had been talking to.  He's never once ever lied to me, if I ask he'll tell me. Like when we were dating and his ex showed back up again wanting to go out for a drink.  He called me that night, apologizing, thinking I would be mad that she was trying to get him in bed again.  I wasn't upset, I knew he was going to go have a drink, and I knew she would try something, and he turned her down.  Which was a big accomplishment for him because they were together for five years, off and on.  How could I be mad at him?  Lol...  I mean sure I was a little uncomfortable that she tried to kiss him...but then he just kissed her on the cheek.  Can we say, Rejection? Before we started going out he had planned a trip to San Diego with the other girl on WoW for the sole purpose of having sex.  Her words to him were basically "I dont want to date you but I'm not opposed to sleeping with you."  I really hate that mentality... Anyways, we've been dating for about five months now, about a month ago I visited him in Washington and we really really hit it off.  The day we started dating was the day I slipped up and told him I loved him.  And later on that night he said he couldnt stop thinking about it, and that he loved me too. We talk for hours and hours and hours on the phone every night.  We always have, before and after we were together.  Even after I put out he didnt stop calling me (which is what I was afraid of because that is what my last boyfriend did to me) and he's comming here for a weekend in october in between school days.  We've been looking for apartments together so I can live out there with him, which I'm really excited about.  It was all going [i]SO GOOD[/i]. But this week he is in San Diego.  He swears to me, up and down and constantly reassuring me nothing is going to happen with the other girl.  He's not just there for her (they're "friends" now) but he has family and his grandfather is buried there as well. When I found out they were staying in the same hotel room I flipped out, I told him they better have two beds.  So the night they got there, I was at work and on break and I called him and he said "she only got one bed because two beds was more expensive" and I really flipped out.  She aparently told him to "suck it up and deal with it" because it was some 20$ extra. He went and had it changed though, because I told him to "suck it up and pay the extra 120 for her otherwise I'll be there to kick your goddamn ass", and he talks to me in front of her, and tells me he loves me and I dont have to worry, and he's sorry for doing this to me, that he didnt know it would hurt me so much.  I also did something I'm really ashamed of.  I asked him the name of the hotel he was staying at so I could check the prices to see if he was lying to me... :(  Now I feel like crap because he wasn't and I dont want to feel like a snoop.  I want to trust him, I still love him.  The fact that he was crying on the phone while I was so pissed at him tells me that he must care at least a little bit about me right?  I mean most guys dont cry, at least not from my expierence.  He only does it when I'm really really pissed off at him and it's only happened a couple of times.  I dont think its so much that I dont trust him, but more so that I dont trust the tramp that 'wouldnt be opposed' to sleeping with my boyfriend. I just hate that he's spending a week with another girl when he could be spending a week here with me, irregardless if his plane ticket was refundable or not, and irregardless if he has family there he wants to see.  I mean...its only money right?  But he has to pay for his own schooling and he works really hard, so I understand not wanting to spend alot of money like that... :(  I guess I moreso just needed to vent than to ask for advice...the nights that he's been there, when he's talking to me I feel just fine because I'm the center of his world.  But right now I know they're probably walking around Sea World and I'm stuck here, at home...doing nothing. I told him I'd never forgive him, I love him SO much but I'll never forgive him for this. I know every healthy relationship goes through its own ups and downs, its own turmoil and stresses...but how do I get over something like this?  I want to be happy with him, and I hope I feel better when he gets home. For right now though, I have that sick, lonely feeling in my stomach that will go away as soon as he calls me, and come right back as soon as we hang up. Current Mood: confused Current Music: "Eyes Like Yours" - Shakira (Bite me)
Monday, September 3rd, 2007
4:38 am	Ahh...  Sitting here at 4:30 in the morning, struggling to stay awake, just one more time to hear his voice before I drift off to sleep.   I haven't written a whole lot about my trip to see Cody in Washington.  I'm not sure why, maybe I just like the memories so much they're hard to put down in words and still keep those feelings. I had such a wonderful time with my baby.   See...lol.  Starting to describe it makes it sound so boring and dry.   We did lots of fun things together, gots to see all over his town... We even caught the Lunar Eclipse together and kissed under the bright red moonlight.  *sigh* Cody is absolutely everything I hoped he would be.  Soft and cuddly, sweet and touchy, romantic and conversive.  I feel like we have alot in common, yet just enough difference to make good conversation.  Even though while I was at the airport waiting for him to pick us up I was SO nervous, not really sure what to expect, how different he would be... But when he stepped out of his car and put his arms around me and teasingly tried to nibble my ear like we joked about...  I automatically relaxed.  There was no hesistation on either part...  And from then on I was comfortable with him.  Not a doubt in my mind. And I really really really REALLY love how physical he is.  That's been such a loss in my other relationships.  I need that.  The hand-holding and the cuddling and playing and laughing... Cody.. ^_^  I loves you so much. I've cycled through a few different people and I feel like I finally settled on the perfect man, someone I could spend a long time with. I'm scared to move to fast, but everything we did together seemed like it was just right and not too soon, it made me feel comfortable and almost at home. I just need my Mr. Kitty Goober to make anywhere we stay feel like a real home. Oh... And a little fat bulldog named Meatball :P <3  I love a cody. And I dun like a buggy.  ;-; Hehe ^_^  It was only a short short week and I have alot of cute memories already, things I'll never forget. And I don't really need to write much here since we have our own little private journal, I'll never forget anything we do.  :)  As long as we remember to write sooner than the end of the week next time :P And I really hope we create alot more memories, and more days, and more numbers, and fill up those pages and the pages of new books with new, creative, loving expierences.  Things we can look back on and laugh and smile at.  ^^ /in love. Please ring, damn you.  Stupid phone... I'm so tired... x.x  I has to hear his sweet sexy voice at least once more before I fall completely asleep.  ^^ I never want to forget how sweet our first little kiss was.  Outside the little fast food place, poor dad needed food, with you sitting on the hood of your pretty car.  Sweet and soft, and I never wanted to stop.  ^^  Henceforth I kissed you as much as I could. *sigh* I really need to shut up now and quit editing and adding things in here.  XD Current Mood: loved (Bite me)
Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
5:33 pm	i'm having a wonderful time!!! Just got back to the hotel room and let Cody go to his flight lesson alone so I could spend some time with dad. I've kind of ditched him the whole time here but I've spent every moment I can with Cody. He's absolutely amazing.  Everything I hoped for and I have to admit before I came here and the whole flight here I was afraid and not sure what to expect.   I don't want to leave tomorrow, I don't want to go back home to where I'm all alone again. I can't wait for him to come visit me and I sincerely hope everything works out and one day someday soon I'll be with him continuously and I wont have to worry about sleeping alone anymore. It's really nice to have someone to cuddle with at night, this past few days I've been getting the best sleep I've had in a long time.   He's so perfect!! :D I've lost count of how many times we've kissed.  Just the little things that make me so happy to be around him.  Holding his hand and leaning over for a sweet little kiss every time I think of it.   And he's just as responsive and sweet and touchy as I am.  I love having someone so touchy feely.  And not completely sexual.   It makes me so happy. Well I'm going out to get food now :D (Bite me)
Saturday, August 25th, 2007
3:51 am	OK!! Okay... It is 10 to 4 am... My flight leaves at 9:30 in the morning. I still have to shower lol I'm all packed minus mytoothbrush and razor to use in the morning (and some socks which I need to steal from either amy or gramma)... I just got off the phone with cody who is going to call me back at 5:30 in the morning... :P When I get off the phone with him it will be quarter to six.... At six hopefully gramma and grandpa will be awake so I can hurry up and shower and shave and get dressed.  We're leaving the house at 7:00 to be at the airport by 7:30. I'm SO EXCITED!!! And very very very NERVOUS too!! ^_^   But I know I'm going to be happy to see Cody and I hope I feel just as good seeing him as I feel talking to him, and hopefully even better <3 I'm a little upset I started my period yesterday though, but i got these things... Lol these things I'll explain about later.   I have hella bad cramps right now though...I dont want to be crabby on my trip so I'm taking plenty of midol to keep me happy.  XD  Pill poppin' time. <3 Oh!  I also got a new phone. I've moved out of my parents house and I'm living here, we just moved all of my crap today.  Luckily we got the truck packed up before all the rain hit... :P  It stormed like hell here today.   And Goober is here.  When we first got here I tied him to the chair over in the corner of the living room and he hid under the chair until I got back from the pet store. Lol he just hid there and as soon as I walked back in he started poking his head out.   Now he's settled into the basement and just about back to his old self.  He was even sleeping with Amy while I was at the movies, now he's just resting in my lap, purring away.  I'm happy the move didn't seem to affect him too much. And I'm happy that he seems to get along with the dog.  And Crackers seems to like him too.  When she came over to sniff him he just sniffed her back, didnt hiss or puff up his tail, he actually seemed kind of happy to see another animal.  I think that calmed him down a bit. Plus living with a dog for so long probably made it an easy adjustment. But I"m going to try to sleep for a little while until Cody calls me again... I'm so excited... :) Current Mood: sore Current Music: "This is How You Remind Me" - Nickelback (Bite me)
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
4:01 pm	Sometimes I wish Travis would be a little more emotional than he is.  Only sometimes and very rarely does he ever hint that he misses me. Last night was strange because it was one of those moments, and they make me feel all warm and happy.  And horribly confused about everything I'm doing.  I know I need to make up my mind, but although it was my original intent, I can't really seem to stop talking to Cody.  He's always there for me, always talking to me, always interested in everything I have to say. That's what I got when I clicked "restore from saved draft".  I have no idea when I wrote that and didn't post it.  I probably got sidetracked and just shut my journal down before posting it.  Anyways... I guess it's time for a little update since it's been a little bit since I've said anything here.  I'm really excited about going to see Cody.  It finally seems to be working itself out and my dad is figuring out the best time to go but either way I will be there sometime at the end of this month.  I'm not really too sure about what happened to Travis...He just really gradually stopped talking to me.  He never talked to me like he used to.  Maybe I'm too much of a girl, but is it really a lot to ask that you make a little bit of time out of your day to call me and talk to me for more than five minutes?  And maybe call me for something other than "When are you getting on the game?"  or "Hey we need a tank for such and such." =/  My life doesn't revolve around Warcraft.  I like to talk about other things too, I like to do other things.  I think it was easy to let him go though because I knew I didn't love him.  No matter how hard I was trying to hold on to that awesome special feeling he gave me while he was around me.  When he went home there wasn't really anything there anymore.  I am happy for the time I spent with him though... I really was.  And if he never started acting like an uncaring jerk I am almost positive I never would have realized how strongly I felt about Ace. :( It's so mixed up.....  But I feel pretty solid right now on the way I am going.  I know I want to see him.  I know I love him.  We've known each other for almost a year and been through plenty of ups and downs.  I absolutely love how he makes time to call me, when that's all I really need from anyone.  A little bit of attention.  I finally made up with Kat and Sammy.  ^^;  Realized what a douche I was being.  It was really nice to see both of them last night, it felt almost like old times.  <3  I guess I really didn't realize how much I missed them until we were actually out.  I cant help but think of all the things I missed out on.  All of the times I was sitting around alone with no one to call, no one to talk to.  :(  I'm glad I have them back... Now we need to see Shelly :)  lol (Bite me)
Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
1:43 pm	Well... I guess it's healthy to want to try everything you can at least once just to see what it's like. Well... I did something kind of bad last night.  I smoked (a lot) of pot and got stoned out of my mind. I went to this girls house last night and thats what we did and she neglected to tell me that I might not want to smoke that much until it was gone.  >.> So at first I didnt feel anything, then my skin started crawling.  Like I could feel it tingling all under my skin and I just busted out laughing while she was trying to explain to me how to play Yahtzee.  Then we were both laughing and she was like "I cant explain this, I've never met anyone that didntk now how to play" so she got out the uno cards instead.  I swear trying to play a game while you are stoned like that is not easy.  I'm usually a really fast thinker so it was really strange for it to take so long to make the connections with colors and numbers. My hands were shaking but I didnt really feel bad, not even when we went to sit out on her porch and I felt lik ei might pass out.  Oh walking up her basement steps was fun too...  Walking period was fun lmao.  I kept thinking I was going to run into shit and I was stepping too high going up her steps. she ended up driving me home and rollerblading back to her house.  I paid my little brother to do the dishes and stripped when I got into my room and just layed on my bed.  I felt so relaxed, I didnt care about anything, I wasnt worried or stressed out about anything, just perfectly content to lay there all night. I ended up calling Cody because the silence was making me a little antsy but I got comfortable with him on the phone and just let him talk about what he was doing on WoW.  I didnt care as long as he didnt quit talking and didnt really try to make me talk lol. Talking was funky because I kept thinking of things I wanted to say but I couldnt really find the motivation to talk.  XD I came down about two hours later and the first thing I did was go to taco bell.  lmao And that's pretty much it for my interesting night. i did nothing. lmao. And I'm never going to do it again.  xD  Cross that one off my to-do list.  Because it felt good, but I dont like feeling like I can't do anything.  lol Current Mood: curious Current Music: "Rockstar" nickelback (I've had 1 Bite Bite me)
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
1:34 am	Heeeeey Heeeyyy I wanna be a Rockstar! I just fucking got home from the Nickelback concert at the Joe Louis arena.  Where I had front and center mosh pit tickets.  Body to body jumping and screaming and singing at the top of our lungs. First concert I ever went to and it was fucking awesome.  Staind and Daughtry did the openings and they were fucking awesome too! >.<  Ooooh my feet are SO sore though! Haha I dont know how I am going to go to work tomorrow. I'm so tired too ^^;  I think it might be time to go to sleep instead of playing WoW. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: "Rockstar" (Bite me)
Monday, July 9th, 2007
2:27 pm	If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says....when she says she loves me.... "And Parents - Quit blaming MySpace for your kid being a hooker, she was a whore before MySpace, and she'd be a whore without it!" ROFL!!! I have to leave for work early today so I can stop at the bank on the way in and get my check cashed.  I think Amy is going to loan me a bit, I still have to really ask dad to buy my plane ticket, and I know mom is giving me one of the child support checks so... I should be able to go really soon.  Thinking about it makes my stomach flip in a really nice way.  I can't wait to see South Carolina either, it's a place I haven't visited yet and I'll be happy to see what it's like.  If it might be a place I like being.  But there's no doubt in that, I'd like to be anywhere Travis is.  I dont wanna go to work.. -.-  I know it's going to be a lazy slow monday and all boring and shit.  I'm glad I have the next three days off but I hope they call me in anyways.  ^^; I dont think anyone good is working today either, I know Cornisha and Chelsea and Misty and Terrance and Andrea...well maybe andrea is working but I dont think she is.  Anyways, all of the people I talk to have tomorrow off.  I think Jenny might work though but she is always on the other side of the store so I can't gab at her too much. I think its bullshit anyways that I have to close monday too after closing the weekend... lol God this music video is so sexy... >:) Kirk/Spock "Closer" I need to put it back on my myspace ^_^; Since I started watching Star Trek again I've been wanting to look for fanfics and more music videos... Rawr Yoooooou're so vaaaiiin.... Current Mood: amused Current Music: "If you could only see" Tonic (Bite me)
Sunday, July 8th, 2007
11:58 pm	I hate it I hate that every time "Stop and Say You Love Me" plays at work I still feel the same I did all those months ago when you first showed me this band. I've come to loathe the way it makes me feel, that awful turning in my stomach, all the memories that come back, knowing exactly what we were doing, what we were talking about the first time I listened to these songs.  Not expecting to love them as much as I did.  I remember every time I heard this song I would wish that you would tell me you loved me.  I wished it SO much.  Right now I wish you never did.  (Bite me)